My daughter, Kennedy, is a different story. She has what I would consider to be an unnatural fear of anything weather related. When the first raindrop hits the pavement she immediately escorts herself to the safe room. She worries about lightening hitting the house, tornado's, earthquakes, floods, tsunamis... you name it, she's afraid of it. I did some investigating and found out what prompted Kennedy's fears. About 2 years ago a neighborhood friend showed her a movie about tornado's ripping towns apart and lightening burning down homes. The same "friend" also told her that the world was going to end in 2012. Some time ago this friend moved to another state but the damage that was done to my poor little Kennedy remained. I've tried to talk Kennedy out of her fear. I've explained how rare it is for something like that to happen. I've talked to her about praying and giving God those scary feelings. She knows that He controls the weather and that He can protect her. But at the end of the day, she's still scared.
Last Friday I drove my 4 children, by myself, to visit their Daddy in Indiana. We have been separated from him for the past few months while we try to sell our home in Missouri. We left at 6 in the morning. The van was packed, the kids were ready, and I was just scanning the house one final time to ensure we didn't forget anything when Kennedy approached me, "What was that noise? Was that thunder?" I just smiled and said, "Oh, I don't know sweetie, we'll be fine." "But Mom... what would we do if a tornado came while we were driving?" I'm not sure I was as nurturing as I should have been at this moment. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour and I really just wanted to stay on schedule and get on the road. "Kennedy it's fine. God would protect us, now get in the car."
We hadn't been driving long when the rain started. I don't mind a little sprinkle but it was much more than that. About an hour into our trip, the sky opened up and I literally couldn't see the car in front of me. It beat down relentlessly for close to an hour. I was beyond stressed and yes... I was scared! I toyed with the idea of stopping and waiting for it to pass, but then I worried it never would pass. I had heard the forecast called for rain and thunderstorms. What if it was supposed to last all day? I had to get to Indiana eventually. So away we went, praying, and eventually it stopped.
Fast forward a couple more hours.... we were right by St. Louis, and suddenly things didn't feel quite right. The sun was nowhere to be found, a thick darkness took it's place. There was a dark line of clouds filling the horizon with suspicious cone shaped clouds hanging off it like icicles. On my left was what looked like a giant ship right on the ground but it was made out of dark swirly clouds. As the road curved we were forced to drive through it and when we did things got much much worse. The darkness intensified and so did the rain. I was sure we were about to experience a tornado. Once again, the rain pounded so hard that I could not see where I was going. Cars were pulling off the road and sitting under bridges for cover. I was terrified. I suddenly realized how very small, insignificant, and utterly powerless I was. I had zero control over what was happening and I didn't know what to do. The ONLY thing I could do was pray. I must have said the name of Jesus a billion times. I was too scared to say anything else. I couldn't even wrap my head around a thought.... just "Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... please, please, please... Oh Jesus, help me, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..." It was all I could do. My only defense. I had no other options. Just pray... and trust... and that's it.
I couldn't help but draw the parallel to my own life. Although the storm I traveled through on Friday felt like it would never end, it did eventually end. And although I felt like I wasn't going to survive it, I did survive it. I've gone through my share of stormy seasons in my life. I've had some clouds that felt like they were going to consume me. I've felt panicked and I've felt afraid. When you are experiencing a storm, people don't always understand do they? Sometimes they try to talk you out of it or just tell you not to be afraid, like I did with Kennedy.... but at the end of the day, it's your storm, not theirs. In my own life I have found that once I realize how very small, insignificant, and utterly powerless I am and once I realize that my ONLY option is to pray and trust God.... that's when things start to improve. It's not always an improvement in the weather, often times the storm around me hasn't changed but the storm within me has.
Storms are inevitable. We are all going to go through them at some point. I learned a couple of things on Friday that will stay with me though. #1. Don't assume to know what someone else's storm feels like. You may not understand or relate to the season someone else finds themselves in but don't ever minimize it. It's their reality, not yours. #2. Trust God. It may not make sense, it may be scary but once you relinquish control and give it to Him...things get better. A tornado did go through St. Louis on Friday. I don't know how close I came to that tornado but I do know that God protected me and my children that day. I couldn't have saved myself. #3. The stormy seasons make you stronger. When I look back on the most difficult seasons in my life, I realize that it was in those seasons that I gained the most perspective, character, and wisdom. Although difficult and many times even agonizing... I wouldn't trade them. They've made me who I am.
James 1:2-4 (MSG) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
